


The family won't like this

by JuZu



Series: We call it smart family business [4]
Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, M/M, Mafia AU, Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:54:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26854804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JuZu/pseuds/JuZu
Summary: Geralt wants to follow through on plans with devastating effects on his family.
Relationships: Eskel/Lambert (The Witcher), Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Series: We call it smart family business [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1874068
Comments: 44
Kudos: 103





	1. Is that a deal Geralt Rivia?

**Author's Note:**

> I can't believe I'm actually this far into the story, you guys are the best!  
> This is the Angst series. A lot of bad stuff and backstories come up. It's not recommended for those that can't handle panic attacks. There are a lot in later chapters.
> 
> Thank you Alma for being my inspiration, thank you [this_gdmn-thing](https://archiveofourown.org/users/this_gdmn_thing/pseuds/this_gdmn_thing) and Dennis for being my Beta. I love you all more than I can tell.
> 
> Every chapter will have chapter specific trigger warnings, as I tend to get quite graphic.
> 
> Please enjoy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaskier doesn’t want to go along with Geralt’s plan but Geralt talks him into going along anyway. His anxiety is skyhigh and Lambert comes to the rescue. Ciri is done with being inside after the attack and really wants to go out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW// Anxiety, mention of child abuse

"No. No Geralt I will not! You can't make me!"    
  


"But I can't show up alone. It will look weird, I make things awkward, I am too intimidating on my own. They will see right through me!"   
  


"And they won't see through me?! No Geralt I refuse to go back! You cannot force me to do this!"   
  


"Please my Pettirosso. For me? I'll give you anything."   
  


"Trying to bribe me now? How low are you willing to sink for this bottle Geralt?"   
  


"I'll do anything."    
  


"Anything? So I'll go with you and you do something for me without refusal? Is that a deal Geralt Rivia?" Jaskier held out his hand. Wasn't this a moment of déjà vu. But Geralt needed that bottle. He shook Jaskier's hand.    
  


"It's a deal Jaskier."    
  


"Very well. I hope your bottle is worth it. What's the plan?" Jaskier asked and crossed his arms.   
  


"Your parents are hosting a charity dinner next week. I already donated enough to be invited. I—"    
  


"Oh God a charity dinner, you couldn't pick a worse moment to steal that bottle?! Everyone will know who I am! Gods above, you're forcing me through my personal hell Geralt!" Jaskier’s hands flew up and pulled at his hair, his eyes screwed shut. He was frustrated to all hell. Geralt couldn’t be serious. He heard Geralt stand up and then he felt his hands on his own. Geralt gently took his hands out of his hair and held them. While Jaskier did open his eyes, he did not look at Geralt.   
  


"But I will be by your side the whole time. Lambert will get the bottle. We will be there for show. As soon as Lambert has the bottle we will leave. I won't force you to stay all night. I promise you, I'll be there." Geralt said in a soft voice. Jaskier wanted to punch someone in the face.    
  


"I can't bloody believe I said yes to this. You better make this up to me besides our deal or else Geralt. This is my worst nightmare."   
  


"Anything my Pettirosso. Whatever you desire," Geralt said and kissed Jaskier's hand. "I'll be all yours."   
  


"Oh, you better be. I will end you if you leave me alone."   
  


"Is that a threat?"   
  


"No, it's a fucking promise."

* * *

The day of the event was approaching faster than Jaskier liked. He was pacing through the mansion, hoping the changing scenery would take his mind off of everything. It didn't and Jaskier was on the edge of losing it. He stormed into Geralt's office, he didn't care who was with him.   
  


"Geralt! I need to speak with you right now!" he demanded. Geralt nodded and sent the man out, who scowled at Jaskier. Jaskier ran to Geralt and collapsed in his arms.    
  


"I can't do it! I can't! Please don't make me go back," he sobbed. Geralt held him tight.   
  


"Then I'll cancel. If you really don't want to go, I will cancel. But I want to go with you. Don't you want to show them how much better you are without them?"    
  


"You bitch, still trying to talk me into it."   
  


"I'm being selfish I know, but we made a deal." Jaskier looked at Geralt. The pleading golden eyes were too much to handle. With an internal sigh, Jaskier gave in.   
  


"You're right, it's one night. I can do it. I can do it," he told himself, trying to calm himself.   
  


"I know you can. But if it's too much, I'll cancel. The last thing I want is you hurt or in distress."   
  


"I am in distress, you fucking liar." Geralt chuckled and rubbed Jaskier's back, holding him until he was a bit calmer. "I bloody hate you for making me do this and I hate me for making me do this. I can't wait for it to be over."   
  


"Just a few more days and you never have to see them again. I love you my Pettirosso. Don't forget that." That was the only thought that kept Jaskier somewhat sane during the days leading up to the event.

  
  


But some days it didn’t. Some days were filled with pacing back and forth wherever Jaskier was. Even his music lessons with Ciri went less than stellar, and the little girl complained loudly about it. Lambert watched it all unfold, Geralt’s planning and Jaskier suffering for it. He felt for the poor man, being a pawn in Geralt’s plans was never as fun as it sounds. He experienced that first hand with the first heist for the wine. Geralt loved to take all the credit, but it was Lambert that did all the heavy lifting and getting the bottles safely into a van. He was sore for days. The things you do for a friend…

Jaskier was pacing along the kitchen, his hands on his back while whispering some kind of encouragement to himself. Lambert watched him since someone had to care for Jaskier’s wellbeing.    
  
“Jaskier. Are you alright?” he asked eventually, he was getting dizzy from all the pacing. Jaskier stopped for a moment to nod at him then went right back to pacing. Lambert sighed.    
  
“Stop it. Sit down Jaskier. Now buttercup.” Lambert had to raise his voice but Jaskier obeyed but not when Lambert used his name, only the nickname. Lambert wasn’t even sure where it came from, but he would use it from now on. Jaskier sat down at the kitchen island, still fidgeting with his hands. “Much better. What the fuck is going on? Talk to me.” 

“I… Lambert, are you sure? I don’t think I can stop once I start,” Jaskier asked worried.   
  
“Then you don’t stop. Spit it out already.” Lambert went to grab a beer, yet again he had to deal with the fallout of another one of Geralt’s brilliant plans. Jaskier nodded.   
  
“I am scared, Lambert. Not that my family can actually hurt me, I mean Geralt will literally set them on fire if they tried but that doesn’t mean I am safe there. Back then… They… weren’t nice. And please please don’t ask me what they did, I can’t say it without crying and I don’t want to cry about it, I have better things to do than that. But anyway just going back and seeing them again when they disowned and insulted me. It brings back a whole lot of feelings I don’t want to have, that I could ignore for so long, and now it’s all back and—” Jaskier sucked in a ragged breath. “I haven’t slept for three nights, Geralt didn’t even notice and I am this close to collapsing—” Jaskier tried to breathe again but it came out in a sob and then he was crying, his head in his hands. Lambert put down his half-empty beer, he probably needed a clear head for this.    
  
“Buttercup… You know you don’t have to do any of this right? Geralt may be blind to all of this, but I  _ have _ seen you break down over the last couple of days. And I am so fucking done with it, even Ciri is complaining to me. So what the fuck do you want Jaskier? Not what Geralt wants or needs, fuck that guy. No, you. What do you want?” He leaned forward over the kitchen island. He was debating to put his hand over Jaskier’s, but that was too intimate. This was already more than he was comfortable with, Eskel was much better at this but he was away doing his job.    
  
“I... I want— Fuck,” Jaskier cried harder at that. “I don’t— know what I want!” he shouted. “I want to help Geralt and I don’t want to see my parents. I.. Geralt will throw me out if I don’t do this!”   
  
“Who the fuck told you that?” Lambert asked, surprised. There was no way Geralt told Jaskier that.   
  
“Ca... Cahir,” Jaskier whispered as if he was scared to confess this. Lambert frowned and clenched his fists. That motherfucker. Even after the warning he got… Lambert took a deep breath to calm himself. Now was not the time. Geralt could deal with him later.   
  
“He’s wrong. Geralt will not fucking throw you out. He has never done that to anyone yet. If there is one thing you should know about him, it’s that he is more forgiving than is good for him. If you refuse to play along with his shitty plan, he will accept that. That’s how he is. At the same time he will also be grateful you went along and reward you accordingly, whatever you have talked about. He did offer you something right?” Lambert would punch Geralt if he didn’t. Jaskier nodded.   
  
“A favor. Whatever I want he will do,” he answered. Lambert whistled.    
  
“That’s a favor alright. Isn’t that the second one you got out of him? It’s been a while since he trusted someone this much,” he adds, more for Jaskier’s peace of mind. It seems to work, the tears have stopped. He leaned over and used his sleeve to wipe Jaskier’s cheeks as he did for Ciri. “Feeling better buttercup?” Jaskier nodded.    
  
“Thanks, Lambert… I really needed this,” He said with a small smile. It wasn’t how he usually looked but it was better than before. Still, something was on Lambert's mind.   
  


"If going to your parents scares you this fucking much, why did you agree? Why don't you tell Geralt to go to hell and stay here?"  
  


"Because…" Jaskier fidgeted with his hands again. "Because I saw how his eyes lit up at the opportunity of having that wine. I saw how excited he was just planning this. I see how badly he wants this. Then how can I refuse him? I'm literally going through hell and back for him and I wouldn't have it any other way," Jaskier said as a warm smile took over his face. Lambert resisted the urge to throw up. Gods that idiot was really in love with Geralt.   
  


"I see," was all Lambert could really answer. He didn't know a thing about love.   
  


"And I will make Geralt regret this. Don't think he will walk out of this without any consequences, just not in a way he expects them. But he will see in time that he's not the only scary one in this mansion." The feral grin on Jaskier's face sent a shiver through Lambert. They were made for each other, he was sure of it.    
  
“Good, if it's as bad as you say…" There was a silence between them. "Did you ever get to packing your bag? Do you want a hand with that?” Lambert asked, hopefully taking Jaskier's mind off the trip ahead.    
  
“If you don’t mind. I could use a hand.” Lambert could see Jaskier wasn’t used to having people that care. He hoped it would change soon. He took Jaskier upstairs, it was time to get him ready.

* * *

“Ciri? Ciri!” Ciri heard Lambert call her name but she stayed in her hiding place under a big bookcase in a hallway. She had to talk to Geralt and Lambert wouldn’t let her, she knew that. She watched as Lambert walked past her, he looked really worried. She felt a little bad but she had a mission and had to complete it. She waited until he was gone and she couldn’t hear him anymore. She crawled out of her hiding place and snuck to Geralt’s office. She listened if there was anyone with him, luckily she heard nothing. She quickly opened the door, walked in, and closed the door behind her. She frowned, Geralt didn’t even notice she came in. Then she grinned, this was perfect.

She snuck over to Geralt, her footsteps making no sound. Usually, Geralt had a clue when he saw her, she knew the small grin on his face. But he was so focused on his work, he didn’t see her. She quietly walked up to his desk and when she was close enough, she took a sprint with a loud battle cry and jumped on Geralt’s lap. Geralt let out a startled shriek but still managed to catch her. He was out of breath and stared at his daughter. She gave him a big smile and he could only be proud.   
  
“Did I scare you?” she asked him. Geralt smiled fondly at her.   
  
“You did. You really did. But do keep this a secret alright?” Geralt felt deeply ashamed for the shriek he let out. He cleared his throat. “So what brings you here? I thought Lambert was supposed to watch you?”   
  
“He was until I snuck away! I really wanted to ask you something.”    
  
“What is it, my Cucciola?”   
  
“Can I come with you to wave goodbye? I have never been to an airport!” Ciri waited excitedly for Geralt’s answer, Geralt only frowned. She was expecting a no and pouted. “Please Geralt? I’m never going anywhere anymore!” Geralt still didn’t answer her, only giving her a stern look. She debated begging but knew it wouldn’t get her anywhere. She sighed and slid off his lap, “Sorry Geralt. I won’t ask again…” Ciri walked to the door, still stuck inside. Geralt only was like this when the answer was a hard no, he would answer her when it was a maybe. She left his office without looking back, Geralt still didn’t say a thing to her. Once outside she crossed her arms and frowned. Stupid Geralt and his stupid face. She stomped to her room, her arms still crossed, and sat down on her bed. She wasn’t allowed to do anything.

  
  


Lambert found her a short while later in a complete panic.

“Ciri! There you are, stop running away! Ciri?” He walked over to her, she looked distressed. “Ciri, Luce, what is going on?” he asked and knelt down next to the bed. Ciri looked at him and sniffled.   
  
“Geralt says I’m not allowed to come to the airport and say goodbye…” she said in a soft, broken voice. Lambert could hear how badly she wanted to cry. He got up and sat down next to her. She crawled into his lap and he wrapped his arms around her.   
  
“He is just trying to keep you safe Luce. It’s dangerous out there. But maybe Jaskier can convince him otherwise. Promise to stay in your room and I’ll ask him okay?” Lambert ran his fingers through Ciri’s long hair. She nodded and wiped her face. 

  
“Okay... I promise to stay in my room.”    
  
“Very good. I’ll be right back Luce.” Lambert pressed a soft kiss on her head. Ciri climbed up and kissed him on his cheek.    
  
“Thank you, Lambi. I love you.” She gave him a hug and climbed back on the floor to play with her toys. Lambert sat stunned on her bed, no matter how many times Ciri stated that she loved him, it still came as a surprise every time. He pulled himself together and went on a search for Jaskier.

Jaskier wasn’t hard to find, he was in the garden writing in his journal. Lambert made himself known as he walked up to him, Jaskier was a bit too fragile to scare at the moment.    
  
“Buttercup! I need your help.” The nickname stuck, Jaskier didn’t make any comment about it. Lambert was happy he didn’t, he had no explanation for it.   
  
“What is it, Lambert?”   
  
“Ciri wants to wave us goodbye at the airport but Geralt won’t fucking let her come. Can you work your weird love magic?” Jaskier laughed at the term. He closed his notebook and stood up.   
  
“Of course. You’ll be with Ciri I think?” Lambert wanted to answer but Jaskier was already on his way inside. He stared at him then walked inside as well, to keep Ciri company while they waited. 

* * *

And that’s how Ciri ended up in the car on their way to the airport. But the atmosphere was tense, even she noticed it. Lambert was driving and was silent as always, Eskel sat next to him quiet as always. But Jaskier was quiet too, that was weird. She tried to get him to talk but Jaskier ignored her. She huffed and pulled Geralt’s sleeve.  
  


“Geralt, what did you do?” she asked, annoyed.  
  


“Hmm?” Geralt looked down at Ciri.   
  
“Don’t hmm me! Everyone is always quiet when you are mean to them!” Ciri said and crossed her arms. Lambert tried to smother a giggle and failed. Jaskier looked away out of the window. 

  
“She has a point, boss,” Lambert said amused and Eskel agreed. Geralt glared at them for a second then turned his focus back to Ciri.   
  
“I didn’t do anything, my Cucciola. Jaskier is just not looking forward to our trip, that’s all.” Ciri eyed him closely and turned to Jaskier and patted his arm.   
  
“Don’t let him bully you! Just say Geralt no if he’s mean to you!” she said. Jaskier snorted behind his hand and smiled at her.    
  
“Thank you, sweetheart. But Geralt is right, I’m not looking forward to this trip,” Jaskier explained and put his hand on Ciri’s. “I’ll be fine though. Don’t worry about me. I do hope you keep up practicing the lessons once I’m back.” Ciri nodded.   
  
“I promise! You’ll see how good I am!” she says, happy again.    
  
“What kind of songs do you have to practice, Ciri?” Geralt asked her and Ciri lit up. She told him happily about the classical and pop songs Jaskier had her learn, practice on guitar and sometimes even piano. The ride to the airport took forever but Ciri’s chatter kept everyone busy.

* * *

“Ciri! Come along, we’re already late!” Geralt turned to pick up his daughter. She was distracted by everything and kept running away. He had enough of that and carried her to the gate. “Eskel can show you around once we’re gone. We have to make our flight time.” Ciri pouted but didn’t complain. She still turned her head at everything she saw with big eyes. Geralt had to admit that Jaskier was right, it was good for Ciri to get out of the house to a new environment for a while. It was good to enjoy time with her while he still could. He still had to contact Yennefer about this but that was a problem for later. Their gate was nearby and it was time to say goodbye.   
  
“Will you take good care of the house while I’m gone?” he asked Ciri. Her eyes grew wide as he asked this.   
  
“So I’m the boss while you’re gone?” she asked with a big smile.    
  
“Yes, you are, and Eskel your second in command. I expect everything to go flawless while I’m gone.” Ciri raised her arm in the cutest salute he had ever seen.   
  
“Yes, boss! I will keep everyone safe!”   
  
“Very good. I didn’t expect anything else.” He pulled her in for a tight hug. “I love you, my Cucciola.” 

  
“I love you too Geralt. Have fun on your trip.” Geralt held her for a moment longer than put her down. She hugged Jaskier and Lambert goodbye too then grabbed Eskel’s hand. Geralt was glowing with pride that Ciri could be so well behaved in public.    
  
“Come, dear heart, we have to go.” Jaskier took his hand. Geralt turned and waved to Ciri one last time before he was led through the gate by Jaskier. “I’ll miss her too, but you wanted this yourself.”   
  
“You talked me into bringing her along,” Geralt replied and wrapped his arm around Jaskier. “I’ll protect you. You will never be on your own. Tomorrow night will be over before you know it.”    
  
“I hope so,” Jaskier muttered as they entered Geralt’s private jet. Geralt hoped so as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pettirosso = Robin  
> Cucciola = Cub  
> Luce = Light


	2. A family reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They are at the Lettenhove estate, everything goes wrong as expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW// Anxiety, mention of abuse, bad family relationships, Panic attack at the end, starts after the following lines and is skippable:  
> "Why? I'm hungry." 
> 
> "Trust me on this one Jaskier. You'll get dinner soon enough."

The Lettenhove estate was still as imposing as ever. Nowhere near as big as Geralt’s mansion, but still big nonetheless. Jaskier hated being back, it felt like walking into a prison, his whole body trembling. He swallowed and leaned a bit closer to Geralt as they walked up to it. Geralt noticed and softly stroked his side with the arm he had around his waist.   
  


“I am with you Pettirosso, as is Lambert. We won’t let anything happen to you.”   
  


“Nobody would live if they tried,” Lambert added as he walked behind them. Jaskier felt a bit better and put a fake smile on his face.   
  


“Thank you. All of this torture for wine. You're going to regret this, dear heart,” Jaskier sighed, but kept his face in tune.   
  


“Just stick to the plan and I won’t have to leave your side for a moment,” Geralt said. Jaskier nodded. They entered the mansion and were greeted by polite servants. They got drinks, even Lambert but he declined as he was on duty, and were guided to the hall for the event. Jaskier could hear the whispers around him, people recognized him and knew who he was.   
  


“Don’t be nervous Jaskier. The man they talk about no longer exists,” Geralt said in a hushed voice. It gave Jaskier some confidence, barely enough to keep the smile on his face as his mother approached them. Geralt gave Jaskier a soft squeeze and let him go.   
  


“Mister Rivia, I am honored you could attend. Such generosity must be celebrated,” she said and shook Geralt’s hand. “I am Laurene Lettenhove, the hostess of the night.”   
  


“The pleasure is all mine, madam Lettenhove. May I introduce my boyfriend, Jaskier,” Geralt said and gestured at Jaskier. Jaskier saw how his mother eyed him, he knew he was recognized. He took her hand anyway and pressed a kiss on it, as a gentleman should.   
  


“It is a pleasure to meet you madam Lettenhove. And I must say, your mansion is impressive, the antiques I see are on point,” Jaskier said with a charming smile. His mother hated antiques and calling their art collection and furniture so was in insult. Laurene only scowled for a split second before smiling again.   
  


“The pleasure is all mine. Please enjoy yourselves,” she said with a forced smile and quickly left the pair.   
  


“I think she knows,” Jaskier said nervously. Insulting his mother felt good, but it didn't stop the nerves if anything they got worse.   
  


“They can’t prove or say anything. I will take my donation back if they try. I got your back my Pettirosso,” Geralt said and slipped his arm around Jaskier again. Jaskier felt a lot safer with Geralt’s arm around him, but a tight feeling still lingered in his chest. They went around, talked to some other guests until dinner. Geralt and Jaskier had the best seats, meaning right by his parents. Jaskier cursed at himself but had his lies at the ready. Luckily his parents only talked to Geralt, completely ignoring him. He did try to help out Geralt as he was stuck in the awkward conversation, but Geralt was on his own.

* * *

Lambert stood in the back of the dining hall, his arms crossed. He had a good view of the whole room, the servants, and Geralt and Jaskier. While subtle, he noticed how uncomfortable poor Jaskier was. He wondered if this whole operation was worth it, but you don’t deny Geralt anything, he takes whatever he wants. Time will tell if Geralt could make it up to Jaskier. Lambert gave Jaskier a wave as their eyes met, he got a nervous smile in return. He shook his head and looked around the room again. He received a few nervous glances but no one was suspicious. 

Out the corner of his eye, he saw how a few guests were pestering a servant and later made her trip. Empty glasses clattered on the floor and the poor girl cut herself as she fell. The people laughed, the servant was scolded but left to her own devices. She tried to stop the bleeding on her hand with her apron, she was clearly on the edge of crying. Lambert saw an opportunity and went over to help her up, mindful of the cut. The head of staff was already bossing other people around, so Lambert took her to the hall and sat her on a chair.   
  


“What a bunch of assholes. Are you okay?” he asked, examining the cut on the palm of her hand. They weren’t deep but would take forever to heal.    
  


“I’m fired, I can’t afford to be fired!” The girl was panicking and close to hyperventilating.

“Okay deep breaths, let’s worry about your hands first. I’m Lambert by the way,” he said, breathing with her to help her calm down.   
  


“I'm Myra," she said eventually.   
  


“Okay Myra, where can I find some bandages? This needs to be cleaned and cared for.”   
  


“Through the hall, first door on your right.”   
  


“I will go get them, you stay here alright? Press your apron on your palm to stop the bleeding. I got you,” Lambert said and quickly went to get the bandages. He went into the hallway and found the room Myra was talking about. It used to be a bedroom, but it was being used as storage. There were still old posters of musicians on the wall. It must have been Jaskier's room, Lambert thought. He made a quick round through the room but found nothing of value. They must have thrown everything away. He still took a look under the bed, he used to hide his things there as a kid and found a book wedged between the mattress and the wood of the bed. He pulled it out and flipped through it. It looked like a diary or a journal. He was sure Jaskier wanted this back. He hid it in his suit jacket and then grabbed the bandages for Myra. She was still on the chair as he left her. She was pale but looked fine. He knelt in front of her and took care of her hands.   
  


“Are they really going to fire you? It wasn’t your fault, everyone could see that,” he asked, maybe she was the one to help him.   
  


“They don’t care. One mistake means you’re out and out of money too. They won’t pay me and if you sue them, you end up dead,” Myra said, close to crying.   
  


“That’s fucked up. Maybe I can help you. I work for the Rivia family, they are much more powerful than these assholes,” Lambert said as he bandaged her hand.   
  


“Help how?”   
  


“Fifty thousand crowns in cash tonight and a ride home. I have a suitcase in the car, it will be all yours. That should help for a long time. But I do need something in return.” Her eyes lit up at the amount.   
  


“What do you need?”   
  


“Wine.” Her eyes widened.   
  


“You don’t mean...” She leaned closer to Lambert. “Sangreal?” she whispered.   
  


“I do. Bring me to it and the cash is yours.”   
  


“But what if we get caught?”   
  


“A problem for later. Show me the way Myra,” Lambert said. Myra considered her options for a short moment but nodded. She stood up and led Lambert to the wine cellar. It was dark and damp inside, but Myra knew her way around. She brought him to the back and to a small wooden box with a chain wrapped around it.   
  


“Here it is. But it’s locked.” Lambert only grinned and took a look at the box. The chains weren’t wrapped around it properly and with some prying Lambert could slide them off. Myra looked in amazement.   
  


“That was easy,” she said in awe.   
  


“It’s my job to make it look easy.” He ripped open the crate and took out the bottle. “It’s the real deal. Worth more than I can make in a lifetime,” he muttered and put the bottle in a special lined pocket in his jacket, bless Elihal and his skills. He closed the crate again and wrapped the chains around it. Right at that moment, someone else came down in the cellar.   
  


“Myra! What are you doing here, get back to work! Sir, this place is off-limits to guests, please go back upstairs,” a servant said.   
  


“Not until I have the perfect wine for my boss. Master Rivia only wants the best of the best. Myra is helping me find it,” Lambert lied with ease. Myra smiled nervously and hid behind Lambert.   
  


“Sir, please come with me.” The servant stepped closer. Lambert scoffed but went with the servant.   
  


“Alright, but you deal with the wrath of Rivia,” he said and followed the servant, Myra following them too.

* * *

Geralt was trying to get Jaskier involved in the conversation, but the Lettenhove’s ignored everything he said. Geralt was annoyed but kept the conversation going as well as he could, he couldn’t leave until Lambert had secured the bottle.   
  


“Mister Rivia, if I may ask, how did you meet Jaskier?” asked Richard Lettenhove, Jaskier's father.   
  


“How about you tell them, my love?” Geralt asked Jaskier. Jaskier put his hand over Geralt’s and intertwined their fingers.   
  


“It was love at first sight, I couldn’t resist his beautiful golden eyes. I met Geralt at a lake near the town, I was writing and gathering inspiration when I saw him walk by with his guards. The sun was behind him, he looked like a god. He still does,” Jaskier said dramatically, leaning closer to Geralt as he lied to his parents. “We started to talk and it clicked right away. We have been together for over a year now.” Geralt smiled fondly at Jaskier, the way he could lie so easily was endearing.   
  


“He has been the light of life from the moment we met,” Gerald added. Laurene’s eye was twitching, Richard was gripping his utensils so hard Geralt thought he would break them.   
  


“I have never been happier,” Jaskier said. Geralt turned his head and shared a quick kiss with him.   
  


“My Pettirosso,” he murmured as their foreheads rested together. He heard the Lettenhove’s whisper nasty things about Jaskier to each other, but he pretended not to hear it. He sat up straight again, his hand now on Jaskier’s thigh, who had a light blush on his face and his beaming sunshine smile.   
  


“That is a charming story. I was wondering, Jaskier, where are you from?” Richard asked. Geralt could see right through him, he wanted to catch Jaskier in a lie. But sadly for him, his son was better at lying than anyone else.   
  


“The same city as Geralt actually, how we have never met is beyond me. I have lived there all my life. He is the most beautiful man I have ever seen,” Jaskier said with a sigh, his head leaned on his hand as he stared at Geralt.   
  


“And your parents?” Richard asked, but his question was ignored, Geralt and Jaskier were too busy staring at each other. Laurene huffed annoyed at them.   
  


“Can you stop staring at each other and pay attention to the conversation? Mister Rivia I expected more manners from you,” she said. Geralt let out a chuckle that offended her even more. He wanted to answer, but at that moment a light voice interrupted him.   
  


"Julian! My baby brother, where have you been?" a woman asked. Her long brown hair was the same color as Jaskier's, but she had brown eyes instead of blue. Jaskier turned pale as he saw her, unable to answer.   
  


"Excuse me, young lady, this is my boyfriend Jaskier. I don't know who this Julian is," Geralt said, glaring at her.    
  


"Oh shut up you, this is my brother Julian, I know those ugly blue eyes. You were always the black sheep of the family, in looks and passions." She reached out to touch Jaskier who moved away from her. Geralt stood up and grabbed her wrist, his chair tipping over. The chair clattered backward and the room went silent at once. Everyone stared at them. All three Lettenhoves looked horrified.   
  


"Do not touch him," he growled. She gasped and froze, unsure of what to do. Geralt turned to her parents. "Is this how you raised your daughter? I should retract my donation for this display of disrespect." Shock fell over the room, soft whispering filled the silence. Richard was sweating.   
  


"Anna dear, please apologize to our guests," he said with a nervous voice. Anna pulled her hand back and huffed.   
  


"Sorry sir," she said with an attitude. She huffed and sat down across Jaskier as Geralt sat down again. Jaskier leaned back and closer to Geralt.    
  


"Geralt, I don't like this," he whispered.    
  


"It'll be fine, we can leave soon. Just a little longer, my Pettirosso." Geralt put his hand on Jaskier's thigh again. Jaskier focused on his dinner so he wouldn't have to look at his sister. She grinned at Jaskier, nudging her foot against his leg. He looked up and watched as she mouthed 'I will kill you' at him. Geralt could feel the trembles in Jaskier's leg. He gave him a soft squeeze, but it didn't help. Jaskier looked at his plate again.    
  


"You are late Anna, please don't do it again," Laurene said.    
  


"Sorry Mama," Anna replied. "I was only busy being a perfect child and helping in the kitchen." Richard nodded.   
  


"Very good my dear. I am proud of you." It all felt scripted but it worked. Jaskier looked like he was about to cry. Geralt could guess he never heard these kinds of words from his parents. He squeezed his leg again. He hoped Lambert would be back soon, Jaskier wasn't going to last. 

* * *

A servant walked to them, followed by Lambert and another servant girl.   
  


“Mister Rivia, my apologies for interrupting your dinner, but I found your bodyguard wandering in the wine cellar.” Lambert gave a nod.   
  


“I asked him before dinner to find me a good wine indeed. Did you Lambert?”   
  


“I did, but before I could get it I was escorted out. Sorry boss you have to drink good wine at home,” Lambert said and shrugged. Geralt frowned at the servant and looked at Richard, who visibly flinched.   
  


“First your judgment on us, then your daughter and now this. When I donated, when I was invited, I expected the best of the best. I have not received any of it. Instead, I have been disrespected over and over. This is unacceptable.” he said, angry.   
  


“That is unacceptable? Your people are wandering through my mansion and you two gays are nearly fucking at my table, it’s disgusting!” Laurene shouted at them. This was what Geralt was waiting for. He stood up and slammed his hands on the table. The Lettenhoves jumped back, the room fell silent again.   
  


"I will retract my donation and we shall leave. This family is a disgrace," Geralt said, loud enough that everyone could hear him. Jaskier stood up immediately.    
  


"Oh no, the ugly duckling will leave how sad. You and your ugly boyfriend," Anna said, wrong timing as usual. Jaskier was fuming at those words, his brows tightly knit and his fists trembling.    
  


"You can say whatever you want about me, but you will NOT INSULT GERALT!" he yelled and lashed out with his fist. He punched her square in the face and she collapsed back with her chair. Jaskier was ready to jump over the table to get her but Geralt stopped him. Geralt felt proud of his boyfriend and put a hand on his shoulder to calm him down.    
  
“That’s quite enough.” He glared at Richard and Laurene, daring them to say something but both wisely kept their mouth shut. Richard looked horrified, Laurene was ready to commit murder. Geralt glanced over at Lambert, who had his hand on his gun. Jaskier was still shaking with anger but now with Geralt touching him a bit more arrogantly.   
  
"Let's leave darling. I have seen enough of these monsters," Jaskier said. Geralt agreed and put his arm around Jaskier's waist.   
  
“Yes my love, let’s go.” As they left, other people got up too. A few more couples left with Geralt and Jaskier. They voiced their silent thank you's to Geralt and Jaskier as they left. 

Lambert went ahead to get the car with Myra following him. Geralt looked at the night sky as they waited for Lambert. He played back the night in his head, thinking about the way Jaskier’s parents and sister talked about him.   
  


"I should have listened to you Jaskier. Dragging you back was a bad idea," he said.   
  


"Yeah, I told you so. They are insane and this was them being mild. They are worse when no one is watching.”   
  


"I see that it runs in the family," Geralt said and kissed Jaskier's cheek.    
  


"Shut the fuck up Geralt," Jaskier said with a giggle. "Maybe it does. But I don't want to talk about it."   
  


"YOU!!" Jaskier was grabbed by the shoulder and forcefully turned around by his mother. "You come back and ruin everything! You worthless piece of shit! No wonder we've disowned you!" she shouted. Geralt opened his mouth to shout back, but Jaskier was faster.    
  


"Oh bitch please, you were looking for an excuse to get rid of me for years! Well, good news for you I never want to set foot in this place ever again!" Jaskier yelled back, he had it with these people. His mother looked ready to get physical and raised her hand, but before she had a chance to lash out, she was punched in the face by Lambert, who took a defensive stance in front of Geralt and Jaskier.   
  


"Keep your fucking paws off them, you fucking poor inbred whore!" he growled then turned to Geralt and Jaskier. "The car is ready, boss. Shall we?" Geralt nodded and had to drag Jaskier along before he hit his mother too. They followed Lambert to the car, who was ready to attack if he had to. But Laurene Lettenhove and their guards were smart enough to stay out of it. Lambert let Geralt and Jaskier into the car, got in himself, and sped away. It was quiet in the car for a moment, until Jaskier let out a giggle.   
  


"I- I knocked out my sister... my mom got punched in the face. Gods above, that was glorious!" He started laughing, all the nerves finally falling from his shoulders. Geralt let out a relieved sigh.   
  


"I don't think I made a good impression on your parents," Geralt said.   
  


"Lambert certainly did," Jaskier replied.   
  


"I just did my job. And I've wanted to do that for a while now. What a dick,” Lambert said. Geralt ran his hand over Jaskier’s thigh and got a smile in return. It looked like Jaskier was at least getting out of this situation in a good mood.    
  


"Can we go get some actual food? Fast food or something," Jaskier pouted.   


"You call that actual food?" Geralt asked.   
  


"Compared to the garbage we just had, yes. It's actual food."    
  


"Very good point. You heard him, Lambert."   
  


"Yes boss," Lambert said with a grin and turned a corner.

* * *

Myra sat in the front seat next to Lambert and kept quiet. She saw that the men in her company were powerful and she was too scared to say anything. Why she trusted Lambert and just got in the car was a mystery to her. She kept quiet and hoped she wasn’t kidnapped. She glanced over at Lambert and got a smile in return. She did feel a bit safer after that but still on edge. 

* * *

"Wait Lambert, did you get the bottle? I didn't see anything!" Jaskier asked suddenly.   
  


"I did, it's in the back. I wouldn't be back if I didn't. Boss, I need to make a small detour, I promised someone a ride. Her name is Myra, she helped me find it," Lambert said. Myra smiled awkwardly as a greeting.    
  


"Hmm." Geralt eyed the girl and she shivered because of it. Jaskier hit Geralt against his arm.   
  


"Geralt, come on. Nice to meet you, Myra. I'm Jaskier and this insufferable brute is Geralt. Thank you for your help," Jaskier said with a smile.    
  


"To the hotel first, bring us dinner on the way back," Geralt said.    
  


"Yes, boss." Jaskier looked at Geralt.    
  


"Why? I'm hungry."    
  


"Trust me on this one Jaskier. You'll get dinner soon enough."

* * *

Jaskier was staring out of the window, watching the streetlights flash by. His mind was wandering until he heard a high pitched voice next to him.   
  


"Hey! Hey black sheep! Look over here, dummy!" Jaskier broke out in cold sweat. He slowly turned his head and saw his sister sit next to him, an evil grin on her face. She was young, not older than 10, and had a plastic doll in her hand.   
  


"Want to play the hitting game?" she asked innocently and Jaskier pushed himself against the door, far away from her.

"NO! No I don't stay away from me!" he yelled covering his face with his arms. "STOP PLEASE!" he begged, his heart hammering in his chest, breathing fast and irregular. This couldn't be true, he was with Geralt in the car, but he could hear her laugh, high pitched and it seeped into him like ice, every inch of his body was freezing cold and painful. He screamed and cried, trying to make himself as small as possible, curling up into a ball with his arms up to protect himself from the onslaught that was to come.

  
  


"Lambert, stop the car!" Geralt yelled and unbuckled his seatbelt. He turned his attention to Jaskier. "Jaskier. Jaskier my love, it's Geralt talking to you," he said calm and steady. Jaskier shook his head, still curled up. He was sobbing and it looked like he was trying to get out of the car by how hard he pressed himself against the door.    
  


"My Pettirosso, please look at me. Just look at your boyfriend," Geralt tried again. "I am right here." Jaskier peeked from under his arms, his eyes big and full of fear, and his cheeks wet. Geralt moved over a seat so he sat next to him. "My Pettirosso, I'm right here. Breathe with me," Geralt said and took big, even breaths. He watched as Jaskier slowly managed to calm his breathing from irregular pants to deep, even breaths. He slowly uncurled, his eyes focused on Geralt. "There we go. Nice and easy. Are you with me Jaskier?" Jaskier nodded.   
  


"Please don't let her hurt me..." he whispered.    
  


"May I touch you?"   
  


"Please." Geralt reached out and gently put his hand on Jaskier's.   
  


"I am right here Pettirosso. I won't leave." They sat like that for a while, breathing together. Jaskier intertwined their fingers slowly.   
  


"Sorry..." he said with a sob.   
  


"Don't be. We're almost back at the hotel." Jaskier started trembling at that. "Lambert, bring us to a new hotel. Anything will do."   
  


"Yes boss," Lambert said and started driving again. Jaskier scooted closer to Geralt.   
  


"I'm... hmm.." he started but stopped talking. Geralt wrapped an arm around him.   
  


"I'm right here Pettirosso. I will always be."

* * *

Lambert glanced at Myra, who was slightly pale.    
  


"Sorry about that," Lambert whispered. Myra nodded in response. They were silent for the rest of the ride. The new hotel was simple and cheap, but it was what Jaskier needed, Lambert could see that. Geralt raised an eyebrow at it, but just the sight of the run-down building calmed Jaskier down.   
  


"We're staying here Geralt? I like it," Jaskier said and was already out of the car.    
  


"If you want to Pettirosso. Don't forget dinner Lambert." Geralt got out of the car and went to the hotel.    
  


"Yeah I know what I'm doing boss," Lambert growled then turned his attention to Myra. "Where to?" Myra told him her address and they were on their way. “I probably don’t have to tell you, but I do expect you to keep this all to yourself. I don’t want to take action on you.” Myra nodded.   
  


“Not a word,” she whispered. They were silent for the rest of the ride. Lambert could see how nervous Myra was and she had all the reason to. But he wouldn’t harm her, not after she helped him. 

They arrived at her house a little while later and both stepped out of the car.    
  


“Here it is,” Myra said, a little relieved she was home. Lambert walked to the back of the car and pulled a suitcase out of the trunk.    
  


“As promised.” He held it out to her. Myra took it with shaking hands and opened it. Her gasp made Lambert chuckle.   
  


“Is it? For real? Holy shit,” she stuttered as she pulled out a stack.   
  


“It’s all real and all legal. Thanks for your help, Myra.”   
  


“Uh, y-you're welcome. Yeah. Asking any questions is a bad idea?”   
  


“Yeah, it would be a waste. You’re good.”   
  


“Yeah.. bye,” Myra said awkwardly and walked to her house. After she opened the door, she turned around. “There is a pizza place down the street that’s really good.”   
  


“I’ll check it out. Thanks.” Lambert gave her a last wave and stepped back into the car.


	3. A call home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaskier makes a call home to Eskel and finally tells Geralt what he has been through. Lambert hears it all and doesn’t take it lightly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW// Mention of abuse, panic attack at the end, starts after these lines and is skippable:  
> "I lo.. love you," he choked out.
> 
> "And I love you."

The hotel was tiny and the rooms even more so, this wasn’t exactly what Geralt was used to. While out on jobs he slept in cheap hotels and even then they were not as rundown as this dump. But Jaskier flopped down on the musty bed with a happy sigh, so Geralt wasn’t going to complain. He took off his jacket and hung it over the back of the lone chair. He sat on the bed next to Jaskier and ran his hand through his soft hair. Jaskier let out a happy sigh. Geralt let himself fall backward.    
  


"At least the bed feels nice. But Lambert will never fit on that bunk bed above us," Geralt pointed out.   
  


"I can sleep up there, "Jaskier offered, but was pulled up and against Geralt.    
  


"No, you're sleeping here with me. I'm not letting you be on your own after tonight." Jaskier yelped as he was pulled away.   
  


"I'll be literally above you."   
  


"Too far away. Lambert can sleep in the chair, you're staying here with me." Geralt pulled Jaskier up a bit more and pressed a kiss against his throat. "I'm sorry for dragging you to that place. I should've listened to you.."   
  


"Hmm yes you should have.. but you will be forgiven soon when you've done your end of the deal."  
  


"Should I be afraid?"  
  


"Very," Jaskier said deep and dark, rolling his r a little. The glare paired with his words made Geralt feel a hint of fear. "I will make you regret this Geralt Rivia." Geralt silenced him with a kiss.   
  


"Later Pettirosso. Not tonight."   
  


“Oh? Do you have other plans?” Jaskier asked. Geralt grinned and sat up, crawling over Jaskier. His hair fell into Jaskier's face as he leaned down to whisper in his ear.  
  


“Get me out of this suit Jaskier,” he said softly and deep, his hands trailing up Jaskier’s shoulders. “If you want to. I won’t go on without a yes.” Jaskier blushed and pushed Geralt up a bit.   
  


“I taught you well. But... I’d rather watch some terrible tv and cuddle if you don’t mind.”   
  


“Not at all Pettirosso.” Geralt leaned down to steal a kiss and sat back on his heels. “Do I dare take a shower?” He glanced at the open bathroom door. Jaskier looked behind him.   
  


“It looks better than the shower I had in my apartment, So yeah go for it.”   
  


“What kind of place did you live in?”   
  


“The only place I could afford without having a salary. Not everyone is a billionaire Geralt.”   
  


“Touché,” Geralt said with a chuckle. He stole another quick kiss and stood up.

* * *

Jaskier stifled a giggle as he heard Geralt swear in the bathroom.   
  


“How’s the poor life treating you Geralt?” he asked and laughed at the swearing he got as an answer. He sat up and grabbed his phone. He did a quick calculation, Ciri might be awake on the other side of the country. He decided to give Eskel a video call. It took forever before Eskel picked up.   
  


“Hmm?” Eskel was still in bed, looking barely awake.   
  


“Hey Eskel. Did I wake you up?”   
  


“Yes you did, what do you want? Where’s Geralt?” Eskel grumbled annoyed.   
  


“Ah sorry! Geralt is taking a shower. I’m really sorry Eskel.”   
  


“Don’t be, I need to get up anyway. How does Lambert get up at 5 every day...” He rubbed his eyes and groaned.   
  


“Is it that early? So Ciri isn’t up yet. Too bad, I wanted to say good night. Or good morning for you.”    
  


“She’s not up yet, but that won’t take long.” He turned his phone and showed Ciri, asleep next to him. “She couldn’t sleep. It was a bullshit excuse, but one I can’t refuse. She'll be awake soon if we keep talking."   
  


“Aw sweetie. isn’t she adorable?” Eskel snorted at the lovesick smile on Jaskier’s face.   
  


“Are you sure you’re only here for Geralt or did you fall in love with Ciri?”   
  


“She fell in love with me first.”   
  


“Sure thing love bird.”   
  


“Oh you are one to speak, you are constantly making heart eyes at Lambert. Don’t think you can hide from me Eskel. I’ve known for a while now.”   
  


“No, I don’t! What are you talking about?”   
  


“The way you act around is not entirely friendly Eskel. I am not stupid don’t treat me like I am.”   
  


“We are not-“   
  


“Come on, you are both terrible at hiding your feelings, my trained eyes see it all. It’s adorable really and a good source of inspiration. My love song about you two is miles ahead of the one I wrote of Geralt. I could sing it for you when we’re back. Unless of course, I’m wrong. Am I Eskel?” Jaskier asked with a cunning smile. Eskel was speechless, his mind was trying to find a response, but couldn’t. “The blush on your face says it all. Is there any reason you’re not out? It shouldn’t be a problem since Geralt is.. well in love with a man, I can’t say I know his sexuality I never asked... Not that it’s that important but still..” Eskel sighed as he listened to Jaskier ramble.   
  


“It’s not that we’re not out. It’s known that I am pansexual and I don’t mind being out. I call him babe constantly for a reason. But Lambert, he can’t- He doesn’t- How do I say this?”   
  


“He can’t deal with feelings for shit?”   
  


“Something like that. Behind closed doors, in our room, it’s all good to a certain point, but outside he’d rather stab himself than admit he loves me. Which he has done once.” Eskel trailed off, his eyes avoiding Jaskier’s, but he still couldn’t hide his pain.   
  


“Would it help if I talked to him? But only if you want to, I don’t want to destroy what you have.”   
  


“Please don’t. I’m fine, we are fine. This works for us.”   
  


“If you say so.”   
  


“By the way where are you? That doesn’t look like the hotel I booked.”   
  


“It’s a cheap motel by the side of the road. It was Lambert’s pick. I- uh... I had an episode on the way back. Bad enough that just the thought of a luxury room gave me shivers. This is much better. It’s far away from my past and a much safer place to be.”   
  


“You have a strange definition of safe. Do you want to talk about it? You look like you need it.”   
  


“Maybe once I’m back. Not right now, I’d like to sleep. Talking usually brings nightmares”   
  


“Did you tell anyone about your childhood Jaskier? And I don’t mean the light-hearted stories.”   
  


“No, I never did. I couldn’t afford therapy and I’ll be fine. It’s nothing. Just give it a few weeks and I won't remember a thing!" Jaskier laughed awkwardly.   
  


"Jaskier who are you talking to?" Geralt came into view behind him with a towel around his waist.    
  


"It's Eskel. How was the shower?"   
  


"It's a good thing I burned down your apartment already because I would've done it now."   
  


"Aw poor Geralt can't handle a shower," Jaskier said with a fake pout. Eskel laughed quietly so he wouldn't wake up Ciri.   
  


"Sounds like fun over there," Eskel said.   
  


"The things I do for love, Eskel." At that moment someone knocked on the door.    
  


"That's probably Lambert," Jaskier said and moved up to open the door, but was stopped by Geralt.   
  


"Stay," he said, grabbed his gun and went to the door. He looked through the spyhole, lowered his gun, and unlocked the door.    
  


"Food delivery!" Lambert called out as he pushed past Geralt and into the room with three pizzas. "I asked Myra for the best cheap pizza place. I hope they are up to standard." He dropped three pizzas on the bed. Jaskier opened a box and sighed happily. He thrust his phone in Lambert’s general direction. His mouth was watering at the sight of pizza. He took a bite of a slice and moaned.   
  


"So good," he moaned.

* * *

"Hey babe," Eskel said to get Lambert's attention. Lambert looked confused at the phone then smiled.   
  


"Eskel. Hey. You're up early."    
  


"Blame Jaskier for that."   
  


"I am not surprised. Hey look at this." Lambert turned the camera and showed how Geralt couldn't eat the cheap pizza, groaning that he would show Jaskier what a real pizza is. Jaskier, in turn, said that this was the best comfort food out there and that he couldn't change his mind.    
  


"Are you sure they've only been together for a few weeks?" Eskel asked him with a chuckle. 

"You should've seen them on the plane." Lambert picked up a box. "I'll be in the car, you two need some alone time," he said and quickly left the room with the room key. He stood outside and took a deep breath.    
  


"How's it at home?" he asked as he walked to the car.   
  


"Same old. Work is piling up for Geralt, I'm not looking forward to his mood."   
  


"Just what we needed," Lambert sighed. He sat on the hood of the car, it was only a cheap rental, he could care less for scratches. He took a bite of the pizza.    
  


"Geralt needs to get out more, this pizza isn't that bad." Lambert ate in silence, Eskel was staring at him with a fond smile.   
  


"Jaskier knows about us," he said eventually and Lambert choked on a bite.    
  


"He what?!"    
  


"He knows. He will be quiet about it. But he knows. Thought you should know."    
  


"You can't hide anything from that fucker. He already knows how to break into my phone."   
  


"He should interrogate someone once. I want to see that. Hey babe, how did it go tonight? Did you do it?" Lambert didn't answer immediately.    
  


"Yeah, I did it. It wasn't that hard. The fuckwads can't hide for shit. But..."    
  


"But?"   
  


"Jaskier had a flashback, a heavy one too. Brought back some memories." Lambert took a deep breath. "It's a good thing Geralt can deal with it swiftly, I was on the edge. But he got his wine, it must've been worth it.."    
  


"When are you coming home?"  
  


"Tomorrow."   
  


"Good. You come straight to your room, I won't allow you to do anything." Eskel was waiting for a snarky reply, but he got a smile instead.   
  


"Thanks."   
  


"Someone has to look out for you since you clearly don't do it yourself."    
  


"Shut up," Lambert said but meant nothing of it. He laid back against the front window, it wasn't safe or comfortable but it was better than being inside the tiny motel room. He kept the phone on his chest so Eskel could see him even though he was staring at the sky. "I miss you," Lambert said.    
  


"I miss you too," Eskel replied.   
  


"I can't wait to go home."   
  


"I thought you liked missions away from home."   
  


"Only if you come along," Lambert said, now looking at Eskel.   
  


"Okay, what drugs did you take? You never say these things. You only do when- " Eskel fell silent.    
  


"When I'm not doing so great. I know. You better have a good bottle of whiskey waiting for me. I refuse to deal with this sober."    
  


"You really should."   
  


"Not this time."   
  


"You say that every time. Will you tell me the full story this time?"    
  


"Hmm. I guess you deserve to know.."   
  


"After all these years, I fucking do."   
  


"Right you do. When I'm back and drunk. You should get up, morning rounds won't do themselves."    
  


"Fuck you..." Eskel finally sat up. "Take care babe. See you soon."   
  


"I will. See ya."    
  


"I love you." Lambert didn't reply, but the smile he had said enough. He quickly hung up before he said something stupid and closed his eyes.

* * *

Geralt was still awake, watching terrible late-night TV while he waited for Lambert to come back. Jaskier was asleep already, curled up against his side. It had been two hours since Lambert left and he was getting worried. He moved Jaskier off his chest and into the bed, Jaskier let out a moan in annoyance but didn't wake up. Geralt put on his pants and shirt and searched for the key of the room. He cursed when he couldn't find it and hoped that Lambert had it. He cast one last look on Jaskier and left.

The car wasn't hard to find and neither was Lambert, fast asleep on the hood of the car, Jaskier's phone still in his hand. Geralt wasn't sure to laugh or roll his eyes at the sight. He searched through his pockets and was relieved when he found the room key. Carefully, so Lambert wouldn't wake up, Geralt lifted him bridal style to carry him back to the room. Lambert stirred a bit as he was lifted, but didn't wake up, mumbling in his sleep. Geralt quickly went back to the room, it took a moment to open the door with one hand and it was even harder as Lambert became moving and trembling, obviously having a nightmare. But he got the door open and quickly went inside. He put Lambert down on the chair and locked the door.   
  


"Keira..." Lambert whispered in his sleep, a few tears streaming down his face. Geralt sat on the bed across him and gently shook him.   
  


"Lambert, wake up. Lambert." After a few attempts, Lambert finally woke up. His eyes opened slowly, wet and glassy.    
  


"What..." He sat up, rubbing his eyes.   
  


"Are you back with me?" Geralt asked, his hand still on Lambert's shoulder.    
  


"Geralt. Boss, sorry." Lambert wiped his face.    
  


"Lambert. Are you okay?" Geralt asked, voice filled with worry.    
  


"Not exactly. Having a fucking relapse. Don't think I can drive tomorrow.." Lambert said, keeping his eyes away from Geralt.    
  


"Then I'll drive. Your safety and wellbeing are more important to me," Geralt said. He put a hand under Lambert's chin and made him look at him.   
  


"It wasn't your fault. You did everything you could. She knew the risks and took it anyway. It has nothing to do with you." Tears welled up in Lambert's eyes again. "You saved my life, I'm still grateful for that." He pulled Lambert into a hug. Lambert usually didn't let this happen, but now he needed his friend. He rested his head on Geralt's shoulder and returned the hug. Geralt rubbed his back, holding his friend until he calmed down.    
  


"Usually I would recommend a shower, but this one is... Something.." Geralt said and glared at the bathroom. Lambert laughed at that.    
  


"Yeah.. thanks Geralt." Lambert pulled back and wiped his face again.   
  


"You should sleep. Get in bed. I am warning you, Jaskier likes to cuddle. But you need all the sleep you can get."    
  


"But Geralt-"   
  


"That's an order, Lambert. Go to sleep. I'll keep watch." Lambert nodded and undressed. He got into bed without waking up Jaskier and fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. Geralt pulled the covers over him and sat in the chair. He crossed his arms and leaned back, hoping the rest of the night stayed uneventful.

* * *

The sun was rising and Lambert woke up, early as always. He opened his eyes, expecting Jaskier on his chest, but instead, he was curled up on the edge of the bed with shaking shoulders.    
  


"Jaskier?" He reached out, but Jaskier turned his head.    
  


"Lambert hi. Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up," he said, his voice light as it always was but his eyes betrayed him. Lambert glanced at Geralt, still asleep in the chair.   
  


"You didn't. I'll wake up Geralt." Jaskier wanted to protest, but Lambert threw his pillow against Geralt's face, who shot up immediately. "Your boyfriend's crying, do something about it," Lambert said. "I'll go conquer the shower." He got out of bed and into the bathroom. 

  
  


"Fuck you, Lambert," Geralt growled and threw the pillow after him. Jaskier pulled the covers over him, it was too early to deal with anything. The bed dipped where Geralt sat down. He felt Geralt's hand run over his arm, gentle and loving. He turned and pulled Geralt down and under the covers, so he could crawl up against him.    
  


"What's wrong, Jaskier?"    
  


"Shut up," Jaskier said, hiding his face against Geralt's shoulder. He calmed down in Geralt's embrace, the tension of his earlier nightmare finally leaving his body. He was calm enough that he let his thoughts out, sharing with Geralt what he kept from the world.   
  


"They never liked me. Stuck me with nannies whenever they could. Send me to bed without dinner even when I behaved. Tried to beat the rich life into me, usually literally. My father only spoke to me when necessary, but when he did he made sure I would remember his roaring voice. My mother always asked me why I wasn't like Anna, why I didn't try to be like her, why I was such a failure, such a burden. My sister beat me the most. Scratched me with her toys, burned me with chemicals she stole from the housekeeper, beat me with anything she could find. I was terrified every day I spent in that house. I was homeschooled, so no one could warn anyone. All my friends were treated the same.” Jaskier was silent for a moment before continuing.   
  
  
“I tried to fight back once when I was older. They trapped me in an empty room for a month, I only had a toilet. Nothing else. The silence was deafening, I still can't stand the silence. I need noise to drown out bad thoughts and bad memories." He sobbed.   
  
  
"When I got to university I felt free. I felt like I could breathe for the first time in my life. I learned how to be normal, how to love, and to be kind, and I promised that I would always try to be kind to everyone. I would be different from them, no matter what. I would protect those I loved from harm. My promise was abused within weeks after Valdo stole one of my songs. I tried to prove it was mine, but they all believed him. He saw it as the perfect start to torture me, as I barely fought back. Fighting back was useless I thought. He kept going until I was expelled. He kept going until I lost everything, I had to survive on spare change I got from strangers while I slept in an alley. I was taken in by a gang," Jaskier fell silent. Tears streamed down his face and Geralt's shoulder. Geralt's hand was around his back, holding close, the other on his shoulder. He said nothing, he waited for Jaskier to continue.    
  


"They taught me how to stand up for myself. A bit too well, as I escaped with a hefty sum of money. I bought a guitar and performed again. I made a decent living, made friends, started a band, fell in love. I thought it was all over. Until Valdo came back out of nowhere and pestered me, ruined all my clients, split up my band, and destroyed my relationship. I still don't understand why. There must be something wrong with me... I still don't understand why you love me. How you can love me since nobody else does..." Jaskier sobbed and Geralt tightened his hold on his boyfriend.   
  


"Because I saw a kind man at the graveyard who cared for a girl that needed love. Because I saw the same man ready to sacrifice everything so I could keep the light of my life. The same man who didn't care for my power or wealth, who still doesn't care for my power or wealth, but instead looked past all of that at me. I love the happy, strong, and kind man you became and still are, even when life tried everything to get you down. I have never met a more amazing man than you. I'll do everything in my power to make life easier for you. I promise you that I will destroy everyone that tries to get you down. You have suffered enough Jaskier." Now Jaskier was crying, not just because of the pain but of the deep love in Geralt's voice. He wasn't sure how he did this, but he would do everything to keep it.    
  


"I lo.. love you," he choked out.   
  


"And I love you."

* * *

Lambert could hear everything, even over the shower. He longed to go home, to fall into Eskel's arms and to just be. He choked back a sob of his own as memories of  _ that _ night flooded back. He leaned with his back against the wall and waited for the tight feeling to pass. Now was not the time to deal with it. Only the tightness in his chest didn't leave, it became much worse. 

He turned off the shower and dried himself as his mind was racing, it was all his fault. As he put on his pants he noticed the last drops fall from the showerhead, each drip was deafening, with each drip his breathing became faster. His hands were shaking, his mind was racing with one thought  _ 'it's all your fault it's all your fault it's all your fault it's all your fault it's all your fault it's all your fault it's all your fault it's all your fault.' _ _   
  
_

"I'm sorry," he whispered, all his muscles were shaking. His chest was tight and painful. He leaned against the wall and slid down, covering his head.    
  


"I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry," he kept whispering between breaths. He screwed his eyes shut, trying to remember what Geralt taught him. Deep breaths try to hold them for a second then release. He tried his hardest, but he couldn't stop hyperventilating, his heart hammering fast in his chest. Geralt I need Geralt, he tried to scream, but he couldn't get more than whispers out of his throat, I'm sorry the only thing he could say, could think.   


"I'm sorry I'm sorry GERALT!" he finally managed to shout and Geralt came running in after a few seconds. He knelt down a meter or two away from him.   
  


"Lambert, I'm here. Try to look at me. Try to open your eyes." Geralt tried but Lambert shook his head. "Lambert. Look up. Please look at me." Geralt repeated this four more times before Lambert slowly opened his eyes, still whispering the same mantra of I'm sorry.    
  


"Focus on me, follow my hand. Breath with me," Geralt said, moving his hand up as he breathed in and down again as he breathed out. He kept doing this until Lambert breathed with him and calmed down a bit.    
  


"Home, I need to go home," he whispered.    
  


"Alright. We will go home. Can you stand up?" Geralt helped him stand up and held him steady until he could stand on his own.    
  


"Sorry. Sorry, I should have it under control by now. Fuck." Lambert felt terrible. Even after all these years, he was still as useless as ever.   
  


"Get dressed alright? We're leaving immediately." Lambert nodded, put on his shirt and shoes, and raced out of the room.

Jaskier sat on the bed, looking on at what was happening. He didn't dare to move until Lambert had left.    
  


"Shit.. so all of us are traumatized huh.." he said.   
  


"Hmm. Some more than others. But yes. You fit right in," Geralt said. "Now get up, we're going home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, Lambert's story will come this series. It's not pretty though.


	4. Coming home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally they are on their way home but even then it isn’t without problems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW// Mention of Trauma

Lambert was already in the back of the car when they checked out. Geralt opened the door to get the keys.    
  


"Do you want to sit alone or sit with Jaskier?" Lambert didn't answer, but Geralt could read him like a book. "If you want, please sit in the back, Jaskier." Jaskier nodded and joined Lambert. The ride was silent for the most part. Lambert was tense, fighting to keep himself together.    
  


"Jaskier? Can you stop being so fucking quiet? You always talk so much. Do it," Lambert growled. Jaskier was fidgeting with his coat but obeyed. He opened his mouth and started talking about everything and nothing. It calmed himself down, his mind far away from his old family. Lambert closed his eyes and focused on the chatting. Geralt drove to the airport, they could get breakfast there, the sooner they were home, the better.

* * *

Geralt made a call to the airport. A man picked up the phone.   
  


"Mister Rivia, how can I help you?"   
  


"We're leaving earlier. Get it done." The man on the other side of the phone    
  


"But sir, I can't, the schedul-"   
  


"Get. It. Done. Delay some cheap flight, I'll pay to compensate. I need to get home fast."   
  


"Yes sir, give me a moment. I'll send the check your way, your plane will leave in fifteen minutes."    
  


"Good, I'll be there in 5 minutes. I need someone to bring the car away and a few guards. I have a feeling someone is following us."    
  


"Right away sir."   
  


"Thank you." Geralt clicked her away, looking in the mirror at Lambert and Jaskier. Both looked okay now, but he had a feeling a Lettenhove would ruin everything.

* * *

At the airport six guards were waiting for them, Geralt had his arm tightly around Jaskier and Lambert was close behind with their suitcase as they made their way through to their gate. Geralt kept his eyes open, looking around for any trouble. No one caught his eye, no one seemed out of place, there were no familiar faces in the crowd. Their gate was nearby and the crowd thinned out.

Jaskier looked at ease and Geralt felt some tension leave his body but Lambert was still on edge. He had seen more people at the party and kept looking for anyone that looked out of place. He had his hand on his gun, he kept looking around. Once he thought he saw Anna, or whatever she was called, but the woman was gone before he could properly see her. He quickly caught up with Geralt and Jaskier, it was better to stay near them. They reached the jet without incident and the guards left. Lambert sighed relieved, at last, they could leave. 

* * *

“Geralt, why aren’t we leaving? I thought you said we could leave immediately,” Jaskier asked worriedly. Geralt was struggling not to pace through the jet. They had been waiting for fifteen minutes and still didn’t have permission to leave yet. Lambert didn’t trust the situation, he wanted to get out of here. They should have been on their way back home instead of stuck in this jet. He sat on a seat near a window, away from Geralt and Jaskier. They were too busy to pay attention to Lambert. And he was glad they were too busy. He was staring out of the window and gripping the armrests of his seat tight. 

He needed to get out of here, he wanted to get out of here. He was aching to go home and collapse. He usually wasn’t homesick but now that he was tired and plagued with memories, he needed his safe space. At the moment he wanted nothing else but the fall into Eskel’s arms and wasn’t that a scary realization. For once he didn’t want to deal with his trauma alone, he wanted to be with Eskel and wanted his touch and voice and help. He wanted to be held and to be told that he was loved and that he didn’t have to go through this alone. He hadn’t had this feeling since she…   
  
Lambert felt a hand touch his own, so he turned to look. Jaskier sat next to him and it was his hand covering his own. He gave him a sad smile.   
  
“Lambert, are you alright? Is there anything I can do?” he asked. Lambert blinked at him.   
  
“What?”   
  
“Dear, you’re crying.” Lambert touched his cheek and stared at his wet fingers. Fuck he was crying. He quickly wiped his cheeks but felt new tears coming up already.   
  
“Sorry, I… Fuck… When can we go home?” he asked, hoping to change the subject.    
  
“I hope soon, Geralt is working on it.” Jaskier moved a little closer. “It’s okay to cry, Lambert. You’re safe here, you don’t have to explain anything. If you need it, just let go. I’m right here.” Lambert nodded. He fought to keep in the tears but it was impossible. The night before, Jaskier’s story, his own memories and his homesickness were all adding up. He dropped his head and sniffled. Jaskier reached out and gently pulled him into a hug.    
  
“It’s alright, my dear,” he whispered and softly rubbed his back. Lambert felt hot from embarrassment but had to admit he felt safe in Jaskier’s arms. So it wasn’t so bad when he sobbed once and pulled him closer. 

* * *

Geralt kept his distance from Jaskier and Lambert. It looked like Jaskier got this covered, so he could focus on getting his damned jet off the ground. Tower control said they already gave the okay but that an issue at the front desk prevented them from leaving. So Geralt was trying to reach the front desk while pacing through his jet, probably to get someone fired. It took forever for someone to pick up, but finally, someone did.   
  
“Front desk, how can I help you?” a woman answered.    
  
“Why can’t we leave? You said we could leave as soon as we arrived!” Geralt yelled, he was done with being polite. The woman gasped and her voice started to tremble.   
  
“I-I’m so sorry mister Rivia but there is this woman here that demands to be on your jet, she said you gave the okay, but I can’t let her through since you didn’t let me know,” she stuttered.   
  
“Who is it?”    
  
“Anna Lettenhove.” Geralt sighed deeply. He should have known they weren’t done with him yet.    
  
“She’s not with me. I suggest letting security kick her out. I want to leave NOW!” he roared. He heard the woman drop the phone in shock and scramble to pick it up again.   
  
“R-Right away sir! My apologies!”   
  
“No let me on that jet, you witch!” He heard a voice, presumably Anna, in the background before the connection was broken. He sat back down and pinched the bridge of his nose. What to do with that family… He already had the Russo’s on his back, a lawsuit or something with the Lettenhove’s wasn’t something he looked forward to. He leaned back and closed his eyes. For now, he let it slide, one problem at a time. 

After another fifteen minutes, they received the okay to leave. Geralt turned to tell Jaskier and Lambert, and saw they had fallen asleep. With a fond smile, he walked over to them. Lambert’s head rested on Jaskier's shoulder, Jaskier’s head to the side on Lambert’s head. It was precious to see. He was glad they got along so well. As silent as he could he fastened their seat belts then covered them with a blanket. Some more sleep would do them good. Geralt sat back in his own seat and fastened his seatbelt. He couldn’t wait to be home.

* * *

  
  


"When are they coming? We've been waiting so long!"    
  


"It's been ten minutes Ciri. Just a little longer. They will be here soon," Eskel said and already saw them coming. He put Ciri down as soon as Geralt came into view and she ran to him.   
  


"Geralt!!" Geralt knelt down and picked her up, holding her in his arms.   
  


"My Cucciola, I missed you," he said and kissed her cheek.   
  


"I missed you too! I missed you so much I couldn't sleep!"   
  


"Really? What did you do?"    
  


"I asked Eskel if I could sleep in his bed. But it's not as nice as sleeping when you’re home..." Ciri said with a pout. Jaskier had to cover up a giggle.    
  


"Hmm. Let's go home then," Geralt said as he glared at Jaskier. Jaskier seemed to do a lot better as the fearful looks he had were gone. He was walking with his usual swagger, even bold enough to hold Geralt's hand in public. As public as this private airport gets.    
  


"Hey sweetheart. I missed you," Jaskier said and gave Ciri a pet on her cheek.   
  


"I missed you too. I did music practice while you were gone!"   
  


"Very good! You'll be a pro if you keep this up!"

  
  


"Welcome back babe."   
  


"Eskel." The men shared a hug, a second longer than necessary then Eskel took over the suitcase from Lambert, the touch lingered. They followed Geralt and Jaskier to the car.    
  


"You look fucking terrible, I'm putting you straight to bed," Eskel said.   
  


"Thanks dickhead, but I don't need a nanny."   
  


"You are already one babe, of course you don't," Eskel said with a mocking grin.    
  


"We are back for one minute and you're already at it. Can you two keep it down for once?" Geralt growled.    
  


"Yes boss."   
  


"Sorry boss."    
  


"Ah let them be Geralt. It's nice to hear their usual banter. It sounds like coming home," Jaskier said. It took a moment before he was hit with a realization. "It feels like I'm coming home." He looked at Geralt, who smiled at him.   
  


"After all of this shit, I'm glad we are going home," he said. Jaskier was close to bursting, he was so happy.    
  


"Yay home!" Ciri cheered. "Home with Geralt, Jaskier, Eskel, Lambi, and Coën!"   
  


"I finally have a home," Jaskier whispered, a few tears forming in his eyes. Geralt wrapped his arms around him to pull him close.    
  


"My home is your home my Pettirosso."   
  


"Oh great now we're stuck with him," Lambert said with a grin. Geralt opened his mouth to scold him, but Jaskier was faster.   
  


"Watch your mouth Lambert or I'll tell Coën. I'm sure he can find another floor you can scrub." Jaskier looked at him and grinned.    
  


"Shut the fuck up," Lambert muttered embarrassed. Geralt was pleased by this outcome, Jaskier fit into his family perfectly. 

  
  


Ciri sat in-between Jaskier and Geralt in the car. They were talking about grown-up things, she was just happy to be around them. She looked from one to the other with a smile. She loved them both and was happy they liked each other too. That meant Jaskier would stay for real. She looked at Geralt and grabbed his hand, pulling it towards her, letting it rest on her lap. He let it happen, he was too busy talking with Jaskier. Then she grabbed Jaskier's hand and put it on top of Geralt's. They intertwined their fingers on autopilot and Ciri giggled. She put her hands on top of theirs, her family.

* * *

When they got home, Eskel and Lambert went upstairs immediately. Jaskier saw how they were stopped by a guy he had never seen before, but Ciri was talking to him so he let it be.    
  


"I need a shower," Geralt said, running a hand through his hair.    
  


"Geralt let's go swimming!" Ciri said excitedly.   
  


"Swimming sounds nice. I haven't seen a pool yet," Jaskier said.   
  


"Geralt has three!"   
  


"And you're hiding those from me? Geralt you should be ashamed." Geralt rubbed his face and sighed.    
  


"Swimming it is."   
  


"Yay!" Ciri ran upstairs. "I'm getting my swimsuit!" Jaskier laughed and followed her upstairs with Geralt.

* * *

Jaskier only heard snippets of the conversation as he passed Lambert, Eskel and the man he didn't know, who's name was Luis apparently, but it didn't sound good. Lambert and Eskel looked uncomfortable. He slowed down a little to listen.   
  


"I will let everyone know, so pay up," Luis said with a grin and that was enough for Jaskier. He quickly caught up with Geralt.    
  


"Dear heart, I'll be right with you," he said. Geralt raised an eyebrow at him but nodded and continued down the hallway. Jaskier walked back to the men, a bounce in his step as always.    
  


"Why the long faces? Is everything alright?" he asked innocently.   
  


"Jaskier..." Eskel said in a warning tone.   
  


"Everything's fine, buzz off," Luis said and Jaskier tutted.    
  


"That's no way to speak to me. How would Geralt react?" he said and glanced at the phone Luis was holding. He saw a paused video, he had been secretly filming Eskel. Jaskier put two and two together, blackmail. Well, not to his friends. He turned to Eskel and Lambert. "Can I borrow your ties for a moment? Both of you," he said. He received confused looks, but both obeyed and took off their ties. "Thank you," Jaskier said cheerfully and knotted them together, one end in a loop, the other straight. He ignored the confused stares he received from all three men. Then he stepped in front of Luis, crowding him back until Luis' back hit the banister.   
  


"What the fuck do you want?" Luis asked, his voice trembling a bit. Jaskier hummed with a calm smile, then pushed Luis’ chest and lifted his feet so he fell backward over the banister. With lighting speed, Jaskier looped the ties around his ankle right before he fell and made a tight knot around the banister. The air was knocked out of Luis' lungs as he came to a halt, a few meters above a solid wood flooring.   
  


"What the fuck?!" he screamed, scared and confused. It happened all so quickly that Lambert and Eskel had no idea what was going on until they heard Luis scream. Jaskier leaned over the banister to look and they joined him.   
  


"Jaskier what the fuck?" Eskel said.   
  


"How in the hell did you do that?" Lambert asked. Jaskier smiled at him without giving an answer and reached behind Eskel to pull the knife out of his belt.    
  


"Drop the phone please, or I'll drop you," he said calm and cheerful, twirling the knife between his fingers, then scraping it lightly over the tie. Luis looked up at them, Jaskier's calm demeanor gave him the shivers. He let go of the phone and it shattered on the floor.

"Thank you!" Jaskier said and walked down the stairs to pick it up. Coën walked by at that moment, carrying a tray. He looked up at Luis.    
  


"Master Jaskier, what are you doing?"    
  


"Taking care of a tiny problem. Did you just make tea?" Jaskier pointed at the teapot on the tray.   
  


"I did."   
  


"Perfect." Jaskier opened the teapot and dropped the phone in it. The phone bubbled and buzzed, much to Jaskier’s delight. "Thank you Coën, your timing is perfect as always." He gave Coën a pat on the shoulder and walked back upstairs with his happy bounce in his step. "You're welcome," he said as he handed Eskel his knife back.   
  


"Jaskier! What are you doing?!" Geralt called from down the hall.   
  


"I'm coming, dear heart!" Jaskier flashed Eskel and Lambert a smile and ran towards Geralt.   
  


"What was that about?" Geralt asked as he wrapped an arm around Jaskier's waist.   


"Nothing important, my love, it's solved."   
  


"Are you running my household now?"   
  


"Someone has to Geralt," Jaskier said and poked Geralt's side."You clearly suck at it." Geralt rolled his eyes and kissed his head.   
  


"Shut up Jaskier."

  
  


Eskel and Lambert looked at each other, then shrugged.    
  


"That's one way to deal with it," Eskel said.   
  


"Whatever, I'm too exhausted to deal with his shit," Lambert said and walked to his room, Eskel following him.   
  


"Hey! Hey! Come back! What about me?!" Luis screamed. "Coën get me down!"   
  


"Next time you try whatever stunt you just pulled, master Jaskier will actually hurt you. Now hang in there Luis, I have guests to take care of," Coën said and left.    
  


"Hello? Help!!" Luis tried, but no one heard him for a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Badass Jaskier? Yes please!


	5. Lambert's story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lambert finally tells Eskel what happened in his past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW// Trauma, Death, PTSD, Gun Violence, Mention of Panic Attack  
> Not a happy chapter. Also not a long chapter.

Lambert stumbled into their bedroom. Eskel locked the door behind him and pulled Lambert into his arms. Lambert fell against him, all his weight leaning against Eskel. He wasn’t just exhausted mentally.   
  


"Thank the gods I'm home..." Lambert said. The exhaustion was even in his voice.   
  


"Finally you are," Eskel replied. They stood there for a long time, just holding each other. Eskel ran his hands over Lambert’s body, touching wherever he could reach. He ran his fingers through Lambert’s hair, rubbed the back of his neck and shoulders, rubbed circles down his back. Lambert leaned further into him, melting into the gentle touch.    
  
"Come babe, let's get you drunk," Eskel whispered and Lambert laughed.    
  


"Such a caring partner."    
  


"Only for you." Eskel let him go and led him to Lambert's sitting room in the back.    
  


"You are the only one I know that has their room backward. Bed in the front, sitting room in the back. Even Geralt has it right."   
  


"Fuck off, I don't need all this space. But Geralt insisted," Lambert said and he let himself fall into his soft couch.   
  


"At least you have a room babe. I never got one since I'm always here." Eskel poured whiskey into two glasses, a lot more than one normally would.   
  


"As if you would use it. Even before all of this, you slept in my bed."   
  


"You never complained."   
  


"Shut up and let me drink. I don't want another panic attack." Lambert took a glass out of Eskel's hand and downed it in one go. He coughed when his throat burned but held out his glass for another fill.   
  


"Panic attack?" Eskel asked as he refilled.   
  


"Yes... I never told you anything huh..." Lambert rubbed his face.   
  


"I knew you went through stuff, but I never thought it was... that bad ya know?" Eskel sat down next to Lambert.    
  


"I never let you see the worst. Didn't want you to think badly of me.. nope not drunk enough for this soft bullshit," Lambert said and downed his glass again. Eskel refilled the glass again and waited for Lambert to speak. It took a while, Lambert waited for his head to feel slightly fuzzy. He couldn’t look Eskel in the eye when he started, keeping his gaze glued to the floor.   
  


"I have PTSD from an... incident years ago, before Geralt was Don. We had to steal a shipment of weapons from some warehouse near the harbor. Vesemir sent Geralt with us, so he knew what the field was like. The place was unguarded and we got careless. I wasn’t twenty yet and the older guys were fucking around too. We didn't notice the Ezequiel family, they showed up heavily armed and knew we were there. They were there to steal the load from us. I’m still surprised it wasn’t a trap. We all hid and they were heading towards Geralt. I didn't even think, I shared one look with him and just- jumped out." Lambert took a sip of his drink. "Geralt's life meant more than mine. I was replaceable." He was silent for a while. He tried to keep his breathing even and the tears inside, but neither worked. He wiped his face and put his hand over it. Eskel put a gentle hand on his thigh.   
  


"I really, really thought I would die right then and there. I remember how shocked Geralt was when he saw me jump out but he did get away. They didn't kill me, big surprise. They beat me, tied me up and stuffed me in a van. I woke up tied to a pole in another warehouse of sorts, it was so fucking cold in there.” Lambert shivered at the memory. “They beat me again, asked questions I didn't answer, the usual. Until.. until-" He let out a sob. "Until she- fuck.. I miss her so much, she shouldn't have- not her it should've been me," Lambert said with a broken voice. He was shaking, he knew if he started crying he couldn't finish his story. He took a few shaky breaths until he had some control over himself.    
  


"Keira. She was— she was amazing. The best we had. Beautiful, strong, smart. She was everything. To say I had a crush on her was an understatement. I loved her. She— she went in without backup, she rushed in and- and got shot. They dragged her next to me, tied her up too. They forced me to— I saw her— she— fuck," Lambert cried softly, his shoulders shocking. Eskel put down his and Lambert's glass. He gently pulled him into a hug.   
  


"Take your time my love. I'm here," he whispered. Between sobs Lambert managed to continue.   
  


"I had— I had to watch her bleed to death. I couldn't get free, I tried, but I was stuck. She begged them for help but they laughed at her. It took so long. I remember how she looked at me, she was so pale, and told me it— it wasn't my fault, it was part of the job but... I should've tried harder! I should've helped her, I— I— I'm sorry," Lambert whispered, pressing his face against Eskel's neck as if to hide himself. "I'm sorry."   
  


Eskel held him as he cried, rubbing his back. Things now made sense, why Lambert hated the cold, why no faucet is allowed to drip, how some deaths sent him into a few days of drinking. Why he himself had to clean up after people and why Lambert never had to do it.    
  


"Gods Lambert," he whispered.   
  


"I miss her so much Eskel. It should've been me... she didn't deserve it and—"   
  


"Neither do you. You deserve to be right here with me as much as she deserves to be alive," Eskel interrupted. Lambert had nothing to say to that, he just nodded.   
  


"Geralt came in for a rescue eventually, but it was too late for her. I was a mess, I couldn't walk or speak, I was crying so hard. It took weeks before I stopped having nightmares, but then the panic attacks started and nobody really knew what to do.. until Geralt helped me with one. He had taken classes in this sort of stuff, just to help me. As a— as a way to thank me. Geralt and I became close friends after this. I don't think— that I— he saved my life. I wouldn't have been here without Geralt acting as a therapist. He's the only one that knows what happened. And now you too.. I never want to go through that again. It's fucked up.” With his story done, Lambert allowed himself to cry freely for once, the alcohol doing its job. Eskel held him as he did, not trying to talk it better he was just being there for him and he wouldn't want anything else.

Sober Lambert pretends to not have feelings but drunk Lambert wears his heart on his sleeve, Eskel knew this better than anyone. So he's not surprised when Lambert started monologuing when the tears finally stop.   
  


"I told myself— I promised myself, that would never fall in love again. It's bad for the job. And then you came along, with your stupid smile and terrible sense of humor and annoying kindness and horrible bravery and— and I wanted to hate you so badly and I tried to get you to hate me, but you fucking saw right through me and kept on going. The smiling and the touching was driving me insane, especially the sharing a bed part, that is cheating."   
  


"It's not cheating, it's using resources."   
  


"Shut the fuck up," Lambert said with a laugh, no heat behind his words as usual. He felt so light, Eskel always knew how to bring up the mood, no matter what just happened. "It's fucking cheating and it worked. I love you." He can feel his face turn red, keeping it hidden in the crook of Eskel's neck. “I love you.”   
  


"I love you too. Thank you for trusting me babe."    
  


"Thanks for listening, fuckface." Both men laughed, Eskel amused, Lambert relieved. Eskel puts his hands on Lambert's cheeks, wiping away the last tears.    
  


"I mean it Lambert. Thank you for opening up to me," he said and pulled Lambert into a short, soft kiss. "To bed?"   
  


"To fucking slee— Eskel put me DOWN!" Lambert yelled as he's carried to bed. His arms wrapped around his neck to hold on.   
  


"Calm down, I can easily carry you babe," Eskel said with a grin. He dropped Lambert unceremoniously on the bed.  
  


"Bitch.." Lambert muttered as he landed. Eskel smiled fondly and leaned over to help him undress. Eskel sat down on the edge of the bed once Lambert was undressed and tugged in.    
  


"Do you want a bedtime story?"   
  


"Yeah... did you kill your bitchy ex for scarring your face? Because I fucking will if you don't."   
  


"You always ask this when you're drunk.. no I didn't, she's alive and I won't tell you where she lives. Sleep babe. I'll be here."    
  


"Without a good night's kiss?"    
  


"You're needy when you're drunk," Eskel chuckled but leaned down for a kiss anyway, only to be pulled onto Lambert, who wrapped his arms around him.   
  


"Stay here. It's nice. G'night Eskel," Lambert says sleepily. Eskel wrapped his arms around him in return. This would be an uncomfortable few moments, but he would do anything to make Lambert comfortable.    
  


"Good night babe."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end of series three! Thank you all for sticking with the story so far!   
> Next week I'll post series four, which is much happier than this one. So stay tuned for more characters, Jaskier planning his revenge and getting to know more about the inner workings of the family.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading!


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